Honestly, are women supposed to observe an ‘expiry date’ for marriage? Is AGE the factor to determine this so called ‘expiry date’? What is the ideal age to get hitched? What happens if they fail to get married after the date? Are they supposed to rot? Or turned sour or perished?

All over the world, women dream of happy marriage, fairytale alike wedding, princess look-a-like wedding gowns, knights in shining armors charging over and sweep their feet off…*snap snap*….come back to real life! I believe life can be just as simple as 1,2,3 if we care for ourselves and not what others think. Many women rushed into marriage just to satisfy, not themselves but others surrounding them. Do they really know the meaning of marriage? Has it ever occur to them that marriage signifies long term loyalty, lifetime partner and commitments, heavy enough that require two individuals’ strength to carry on as a couple? Why are they rushing into all these? Do they not fear of making the wrong decision, a lifetime decision?

Long ago, our great grandparents marry out of arrangements. Some are happy together and some are unfortunately not. In the modern days, many marry out of love but are still unhappy with their marriages and the rate of divorce increases year by year. Why is this happening? Marriage from love, isn’t it supposed to be more long lasting, happier & cherished? What has the word ‘marriage’ became of?

Venice*, a 31 years old attractive lash with stable job income, having a dream every women wanted - a loving & understanding husband, a romantic wedding and a wonderful family. She could never have believed that this dream shattered when she found out she had agreed to marry out of her race with age! Out of her ridiculous idea of not wanting to drag on a relationship and instead planned to marry Kevin* he knew for only 2 months! Of course the deal was that Kevin must agree to start planning and saving for the marriage, else the relationship ends there and then.

So the chronicle began with a loving & caring, understanding and detail-oriented, soft-spoken man with extensive ideas that made her happy every single day but all these changed after awhile, after a short 6 months. They began to argue and his words were more harsh and hurtful as the fights continued throughout the relationship week by week, month by month and soon enough it’s THE time to sign the papers as lawful couples. She tried to continue without doubts, thinking that her decision and choice made was right just to realize that the relationship was then worsened where they had more and more fights with more and more intolerable words. Now, here’s the interesting part - there were not much of chemistry for intimacy involved even in the beginning because all she wanted was to be married and with all the fights and hurts she gathered, his touches actually disgust her! How is she supposed to continue from here? It was her own decision and she had no option but to let herself sink into the ‘well’ she dug for herself, deeper and deeper, burying herself in the dark, just to preserve the whole scenario of a well prepared bride-to-be and pretend to be the happiest woman alive.

Why is this happening to Venice? Was it her own fault? What was her reason to rush into marriage? Though she had broken hearts before but could she fall back to those bad incidents in her previous relationships and make it THE reason to marry a person she barely knew … to race with her age or simply to hurt herself even more and live in misery, having no faith in love and marriage, pick & match and get over it, get over life? Is this what Venice wanted for the rest of her lives?

I believe all of us should take charge of our own lives. We should never rush into crucial decisions unless we have thoroughly thought it over. Marriage is about 2 persons becoming 1 and is definitely a difficult hurdle to jump over together with unless they are strongly bonded. In any relationship, love for each other is of utmost importance because love forms the foundation to a stable and healthy family whilst understanding each other forms the body of a well established family. Loyalty forms the conclusion of ‘all’s well ends well’ family.

Obviously, Venice didn’t marry out of love but she was sure that his partner did, at least in the initial 6 months. However, how could she have thought that personality, characteristics and everything else not known to her could shatter her dream in the end. Not knowing a partner’s real personality here proves to be catastrophic. No doubt, he loved her but it was only in the beginning and when he was sure that she is to marry him and that once they are lawfully registered as husband and wife, he changed drastically, to being himself. They marry out of a deal, no one is at fault.

A friend once told me a joke that a wise couple in love, upon their decision to get married, should sign at the Registry of Marriage in one room and immediately followed by another signing ceremony in another room for divorce, just in case in future, things don’t work out, the couple could skip the hassle! (laugh)…What a good idea!

*Name is changed for privacy purposes

Article contributed by Vivienne Jee

*Erica, a 33 years old stunningly beautiful woman, is a divorcee with a daughter staying with her at a condominium she bought after she divorced her ex-husband, *Jeremy some time 2 years ago. She was attractive enough in her younger years that many fell helplessly in love with her but who would have guessed that she would become a divorcee? 

Erica, who studied as a chemist, worked in Brisbane, Australia way back in the year 2001, She left Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia of a terrible unexpected heart break, where her long-time lover left her for another woman, leaving her with sore and shattered heart, forcing her to leave the country and start anew. Of course starting a new life there in Brisbane was never an obstacle for her as she had both looks and brains. She met Jeremy there who eventually became her husband in just a short 1½ years. Jeremy loved and trusted her with all his heart but little did he know that Erica agreed to marry him out of her reason to have her own baby before age 30! Did she not have loved Jeremy deep enough to marry him? Now you may have dropped your jaws by now, but read on, while she was pregnant, she met a college friend, Brandon* who had been taking care of her more than Jeremy did. Even the hospital nurses thought Brandon was her husband! Well, obviously she finds herself in love with Brandon and that he was there all the time for her when she needed someone. Was this the reason for her divorce? 

If we analyze in detail, Erica would most probably have suffered from a severe case of heartbreak which triggered her anger, resulting in self importance and trying everything she could to get what she wanted in order to please herself. Her decision to marry Jeremy was obviously nothing to do with love or any happily ever after family, let alone bearing him a child. However, was she ever happy after her long time lover left her in the first place? Has anyone ever thought of how and what she went through to get her life back? Is a divorce really what she wanted, considering the perception others would have placed upon her, how her mother strongly disagrees with her decision and not wanting to have her back in her house, how her friends thought of her as an indecent woman? She has no other means to prolong her life except to preserve her selfishness in a relationship and to pursue her wants and needs. Is she to be blamed? If we start fingers pointing, I believe we couldn’t even stop! I would have blamed her long time heartthrob for leaving her, you could have blamed her for being unfaithful some could have blamed Brandon but who’s the right person to blame? 

To conclude, Erica was once a beautiful & innocent but heartbroken girl, who strived to pursue her life with all she wanted, losing faith in love and manipulating all she has to reach her goal in a relationship. She met Jeremy who could give her all she wanted but was not who she could love. When Brandon came into the picture and she was sure she found her love life once again, she had to leave Jeremy to start a ‘happily ever after’ life.
 

My grandpa once told me that in the journey of love, not everyone sleeps on a bed of roses. Some has to go through an extremely tough time to be with THE ONE.

He told me a story,

“Once there was a show girl who was murdered and her body was left by the seaside. Mr A walked by, spit on the body and left. Then Mr B walked by and took off his jacket to cover her body & face and left. Finally, Mr C walked by and took the body to a cemetery and buried her with flowers and prayed for her.” Guess what grandpa said after that? He continued, “This show girl reincarnated as a woman again in this life, will have a man who treated her badly (Mr A), followed by another man who treated her well but the relationship ends after awhile (Mr B) and finally she will be with a man and they both lived together happily and lovingly until the end of their lives (Mr C).”

Believe me? Try to apply this ‘grandpa philosophy’ into your own relationship. If you have failed in one or two, please do not live in despair, because your Mr C has yet to come into the picture. He may appear anytime from now. This is called LOVE FATE.

*Names are changed for privacy purposes

Article Contributed by Vivienne Jee